Intro

Tag: status update

Someone almost raped my friend – so she did this, which prevented it.

Sofie Hagen

Multi-award-winning stand-up comedian, but my uncle wants to know when I'm going to lose some weight. A lot of guys have told me that they'd LOVE to be my boyfriend, if they weren't already married. I once joined a beginner's dance class but didn't realise till it was too late that it was a beginner's dance class for already-professional dancers who were only beginners in that particular dance and we were standing very tight and it was the worst hour of my life. I once made out with the lead actor of 'The Bridge' (first two seasons).

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things I’ve talked about

beauty blog body image boyfriend comedian comedians comedienne comedy dating datingadvice deborah frances white facebook fat feminism funny girlfriend greys anatomy intercourse jessamyn stanley killers london love nomakeupselfie normal nudity onenightstand personal pickup podcast psychology rape selfies serialkillers sex sexual assault single standup status update yoga

My Instagram

I wish this was a sponsored post but it’s not. Can I please get naked and get free stuff? I have a blue tick now. I’m a MONEY MACHINE. I very much paid for this suite in this fancy hotel because I needed to have some photos taken for my new show but we ended up just using a backdrop, so I could have saved a lot of money by just hiring a studio. Instead I slept in a gigantic bed, had a plunge bath (?), ate strawberries and sat on an actual balcony. And checked out 10 minutes too late because I AM GETTING THE MOST OUT OF THIS #GetMeFreeStuffPlease

It’s my book and my face. And my plant, Plantonio Banderas. And a Scandinavian candle which is meant to smell of Denmark. You should pre-order my book. Which comes out on May 2nd. You should be able to do this from every store that sells books (in the UK). Someone told me that if you live outside of the UK, you can buy it from Amazon UK. They will send it internationally. That’s what I HAVE BEEN TOLD. Also p.s. Denmark doesn’t have a smell. The candle is a scam.

So I spent two nights in a haunted building that used to be a military hospital AND a prison. I’m still alive which means that either ghosts don’t exist OR ghosts are really nice OR ghosts just really like me. Luxembourg is amazing. Thank you to the people who came. I’m so excited to take this show on tour and to Edinburgh. Btw, the tickets for Edinburgh are on sale already. Now: train home.

Just doing a sexy pose in a haunted building. Former military hospital and then prison. There are definitely ghosts here. I’m standing sexily where there used to be a wall between two cells. Ha ha what a fun way to die in my sleep tonight. 🕯

Aw. It’s my bff @larrydeancomedy. He is so funny. He is going to be super famous and then I’m going to sell all his secrets to the press and GET RICH. 💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰

So happy to have met your queen. I didn’t know she’d be so huge.

I went to a party last night and drunk texted an ex and shouted about capitalism, communism and the patriarchy A LOT, and I got to see my favourite @jackdaverooke which was captured by the beautiful @cconway89 here. 🔥 P.S. The ex answered and was very nice about it so now I’m hungover-crying on the toilet.

OH. MY. GOD. This is unreal. Unreal. I had this idea that when I received the first copy of the book, I’d cry, but I just put it on a shelf for two days and ignored it because my brain was like ‘NOPE THIS IS NOT HAPPENING’. But. It is. I wrote a book. It has my favourite photo on the cover and it has the perfect title. It comes out May 2nd. You can preorder it through wherever you get your books. Photo (on the book) by @mrmattcrockett Make-up (on the book) by @sharimakeup Make-up and photo by me.

DENMARK. EkstraBladet is a piece of shit trash newspaper. It’s right-wing bullshit. No need to send me the article they wrote about me NOR the comments from other pieces of trash. What you CAN DO is come to my last two shows in Denmark, Copenhagen on April 8th and Aarhus on April 10th. Tickets on sofiehagen.com.

A Danish journalist asked my friend for my number and I said no. He then emailed my manager. He then found me on Instagram and DM’ed me. He then somehow still found my number and texted me. He then called me twice. All to get a quote for his article in which ‘a source’ says they don’t understand my statements about Danish media. So hey, if you have my number, don’t give it to people, okay? Especially journalists. Only give it to people who have dogs that I can pet. Or SINGLE HOTTIES. 🐶🤸🏻‍♂️

Oh, London. I swear, seeing a blue sky and feeling too warm in my winter coat feels like emotionally clawing my way out of a dark wintery cave. I’m not going inside again till it’s October, MARK MY WORDS. Haha, I’m kidding, the outside is full of people, so I’m going to go back inside now, but this was fun.

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