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Someone almost raped my friend – so she did this, which prevented it.

March 19, 2015January 29, 2016

Sofie Hagen4 Comments

Sofie Hagen

Multi-award-winning stand-up comedian, but my uncle wants to know when I'm going to lose some weight. A lot of guys have told me that they'd LOVE to be my boyfriend, if they weren't already married. I once joined a beginner's dance class but didn't realise till it was too late that it was a beginner's dance class for already-professional dancers who were only beginners in that particular dance and we were standing very tight and it was the worst hour of my life. I once made out with the lead actor of 'The Bridge' (first two seasons).

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things I’ve talked about

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Recent Posts

When I kicked a psychopath
It’s my party and I’ll take a fucking selfie if I want to
The Guilty Feminist
How to Start Doing Yoga (for people who are never going to start doing yoga)
Someone almost raped my friend – so she did this, which prevented it.

My Instagram

Follow these people: @blairimani @rachel.cargle @stephanieyeboah @candicebrathwaite @itsmekellieb @monachalabi @munroebergdorf @wkamaubell @sonyareneetaylor @sassy_latte @renieddolodge @dashaunlh I want to explain something I wrote in my previous post. (TW: racism) I was called in by a wonderful person who made me realise that I needed to add this nuance. Here is why I posted about whiteness: In the past couple of days (and frankly, whenever I have done this) when I have shared black voices, I can see that people skip the stories. I have seen white people write that they’re going offline because it is all too heavy. I mean, yesterday, I put down my phone for a couple of hours - I’m not innocent in this at all. But I realised that while, thankfully, a lot of my followers have examined their own racism enough to actually listen to black voices, there might still be some who haven’t. Who still live in that ‘I’m not racist!’ mindset and who therefor are not even able to realise that they listen more to white voices. So, I wanted to use my white voice to hopefully help break down that barrier - so that when I DO amplify black voices, the engagement doesn’t drop and people don’t shut down. I hope that makes sense? Regardless of how far along you are on your journey, follow these twelve amazing people. I have learned so much just by having them pop up on my social media feed. Follow them all and share their posts.

Talking about whiteness feels gross. Probably because we are not used to having to address it - as we are always just ‘the normal’. And ‘white supremacy’ sounds like an extreme; not something that lies within all of us. And all we want to do is shout ‘I AM NOT RACIST’ because it’s nicer than saying ‘I am racist because I have been raised by a society drenched in racism and on a daily basis I benefit from white supremacy.’ Apart from donating, amplifying black voices and protesting, we all need to look at ourselves and our surroundings first. That’s the really hard bit. . A few days ago, I talked to @yrfatfriend on my podcast ‘Made of Human’. It felt wrong to talk about anything other than our whiteness. We talked for two hours, so it became a two-parter. It was deeply uncomfortable. But in the midst of all that, we touched upon some really helpful stuff: actual advice on how to speak to racist family members, how to separate your own feelings of guilt from your acknowledgement of your own racism, what to do to help and some history of white supremacy within the police force. If you’re white, I recommend you listen to it. And myself and @yrfatfriend are open to feedback/being called in/out. As always. ♥️ Is this the right thing to do? Posting about whiteness, talking to another white person on a podcast about whiteness? Maybe, maybe not. I can see both sides. I can see how this is potentially wrong and damaging. I can also see how it *could* be helpful. And that’s my fear and uncomfortableness to sit with. Knowing full well that this might be wrong. Or, that some people will think it’s wrong and other people will say it’s right and that they will both be right. But that’s fine. That’s the situation. I know that the majority of my audience is white. I know you are mostly white women. I know you all *want* to do the right thing. I also know that loads of you live with mental health issues. So that’s sort of what I’m talking about: how we, personally, deal with what we now have to do, collectively. As white people. In both @yrfatfriend and my Instagram Highlights, there are links to How To Help the Black Lives Matter movement, where to donate etc. ♥️

Hey, we don’t do the black squares anymore. It’s okay to delete them, now we’ve been informed. I’ve filled my Instagram stories with information about why, so go read them. Instead of blacking out social media - the place that is crucial right now for spreading information - we need to actually do the work. Here are some good options. Also, I’ve seen this picture posted many places and no one seems to know where it’s from. Can someone tell me who created it, so we can all give credit? (THANK YOU! CREDIT TO @betsyfaulkner )

Today I am going to be posting links and posts in my Instagram Stories related to how we, as white people, can support #blacklivesmatter and especially how we can fight against our own racism. There will be petitions to sign, funds to donate to, and we will talk about white privilege. Here is what I will ask us white people to do: Act. This isn’t a space where we express how sad and shocked and worried and hurt we are. This isn’t the space for our feelings. We will take that hurt and frustration and turn it into action by: 1) Donating money. 2) Signing petitions. 3) Following and sharing and retweeting black creators and activists. 4) Working on our own racism and the racism in the people among us - friends and family members etc. What we do not do is take up any space that isn’t productive. We do not share the video or photos of black people being murdered. We do not centre ourselves. (She preached, centering herself.) If you want to share any of these screenshots, make sure you first go follow the creator on all social media platforms and retweet/share the original post instead of mine. @dnwinslow @blairimani @rachel.cargle @shirien.creates @munroebergdorf @raquel_willis @wkamaubell @kieron.cg @solomongeorgio #georgefloyd #breonnataylor #tonymcdade #ahmaudarbery #blacklivesmatter

Coming to you today with Big Daddy Lockdown Energy. So several big announcements are coming soon — some of which are related to this homemade sound studio (some soundproof styrofoam attached to a clothes airer, on my desk) and some are wilder than that. I suggest you visit sofiehagen.com and sign up for my newsletter to be the first to be informed (and for discounts). I have to admit that not being able to do stand-up has made me wonder what I CAN give you. Anything you would like for me to do? Instagram/Facebook lives? Longer written posts? More videos? More podcasting? Live streamed shows? More newsletters? Instagram chats with people? Fat Liberation educational stuff? More cooking? Danish food stuff? STICKERS WITH MY FACE ON IT? Prints of my posters, signed? Video messages? I guess I am humbly asking: hi, can I be of use to you? 💕

A famous TV doctor did a very fatphobic joke on Twitter a while back. It’s so much more damaging when a medical professional does this. Statistically, fat people are way more reluctant to go to the doctor when sick, due to a justified fear of being fatshamed and just being told to ‘lose weight’. Around 1/3 of nurses in a study admitted to being ‘repulsed’ by fat patients. So I made myself a Twitter doctor, so people would take me more seriously. But apparently, that’s illegal. Instead, follow @drjoshuawolrich, his dreamy eyes, his adorable dog and his actual doctor title.

I’m sitting on a fluffy pillow that makes it look like I’ve gone more than just natural, I’ve gone feral. Anyways, hi to new followers, thanks for staying to old followers. This is going to be one of those a bit eye-roll’y Instagram posts, but I have had a couple of negative days - just angry and annoyed. And yesterday’s post was sad. And today’s DMs are mostly annoying. And I have read one of the most traumatising books ever. I won’t even say what it is because I can’t recommend it. SO — let’s do a bit of self-care, okay? Something nice. What do you WANT to do? Listen to your favourite song? Have pancakes for dinner? Maybe reorganise a cupboard? Turn on those fairy lights you always forget to turn on? Read some erotica? Put on makeup and take bomb selfies? Read a book (a nice one) and get off the internet for a few hours? Go to bed at 8pm and watch something silly? Call a friend? Or just forgive yourself for not having done enough and allow yourself some space to just be a flawed human for a bit. I think I’m going to open some windows and get loads of fresh air in. And pancakes for dinner does actually sound really nice. And maybe I will listen to the latest All Killa No Filla episode or an old Parapod episode while I tidy up a bit. Or, I will just lie here and angry-post till I fall asleep at 3am. Either way: Well done, all of us, for surviving everything we have survived and managed to come out of it without being massive assholes. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

(SWIPE ➡️) When will someone create an ethical social media platform? I’m in.

Guess. What’s. Back! It’s the Body Confidence & Comedy Lockdown Care Package! You get my book (signed!), my two shows ‘Shimmer Shatter’ (about anxiety and not liking parties) and ‘Dead Baby Frog’ (about my sadist grandfather and strong, powerful women) as download codes and a handwritten note/drawing from ME. These are available NOW from my website - link in my bio and stories - or type in sofiehagen.com/care. I send to anywhere - if you can’t find your country on the list, let me know. Note that it takes a while for them to send. You will receive a tracking number. The last batch of books have just gone out and should be arriving in the next 1-2 weeks. I can’t wait to draw and sign and pack for you all!! ☀️

I thought I’d walk you through my mornings during lockdown! ☀️ I wake up every morning at 7am, jump in the shower where I exfoliate my entire body and shave EVERYTHING while I do a hair mask. I then put on some comfortable clean clothes and open all the windows. I do a face mask and brush my teeth. I do 15 minutes of yoga, just to warm up my body for the day. I make a blueberry/banana/spinach smoothie which I drink in the garden. I check up on the news and plan the rest of my day! 🌺 Now, obviously, that’s absolute bullshit. I spent the last four days in bed, in the same filthy pyjamas, eating just chocolate. I never even opened the curtains. I wake up at 10am and often stay in bed till 2pm when I am so hungry, I HAVE to eat. I am constantly dehydrated because I drink fizzy drinks instead of water. And some days are really hard and I look like shit. But this morning, I woke up at 9am because I had to. And I showered (shaving NOTHING) and did a face mask and I thought to myself: This is what those fancy people on Instagram do every morning. What is stopping me from posting a photo on Instagram and just claiming that this is what I do every day? The answer is NOTHING. Nothing is stopping me from lying. And I bet, in time, with some nicely filthered images of smoothies with my (shared) garden (full of fox faeces) as a background, I’d get a huge following. Here is what I am saying: I’m guessing (and I could be wrong) that perhaps you felt guilty reading about my morning? If you believed it, that is. You maybe felt shame over being a filth pig in bed all day? I would too. My point is: unfollow accounts that make you feel like that. Don’t trust anyone who makes money off of your insecurities. Don’t even fully trust me. I put filters on my photos and I don’t post photos of the four rolls with nutella that I’m about to eat right now. And I didn’t tell you that I sweated through my sheets so I had to change bedding only four days after I did it the last time. We’re all frauds. And you’re doing just fine.

If you don’t like me at my ‘got fairly nudeish and took a bunch of photos and overedited them to get likes on the internet’*, you don’t deserve me at my best. . *to change body image culture, of course.

Lighthearted fun!

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